Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
