how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
