I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
