Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
