I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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