No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
