yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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