my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize