Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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