Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
