We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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