What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize