I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
