i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize