i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
