based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize