god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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