Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
