i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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