Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
