Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
