maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
