I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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