what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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