yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize