I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
