either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
