it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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