You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
