Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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