you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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