If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
