Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
