Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
