I could make wine with my vomit
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
