he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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