So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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