My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
