As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
