Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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