I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
