look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
