hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
