you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
