I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
