i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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