i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
