So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
