White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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