Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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