the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize