my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
