so explain again why im purple
no
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
