No stitches, just platelets and will power
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
