Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
