I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Quick, to the slutcave!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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