In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize