You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
