my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
