So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my vagina is haunted
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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