The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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