We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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