my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
