she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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