Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
