I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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