All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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