honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
