It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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