okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
