Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize