I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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