there's paper in my vomit.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
