I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i've created a new STD.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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