I accidentally had phone sex last night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
