i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
