Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
